To have good listening skills and build effective work relationships, we need to Avoid Giving Advice Initially. Advice has its place, but timing is important. When you give advice quickly, the other person tends to do what? Get defensive. They see advice as carrying along with it the message, “You are not up to snuff.” The exception to this is when someone is new to the job or task. They may appreciate advice until they learn how to do it well.

Most of the time, however, advice is off putting if you give it too soon. The best course to problem solving is to start off with the facts that the other person can agree to. Then ask them how they view those facts. They may see the problem much differently than you suppose. And they may have facts you don’t know about.

An example of this occurred when I played football as the quarterback. The factual “problem” was that we were just 3 yards from a touchdown but only had one play left to get it with. The coach thought he would give me advice. He sent in a player who told me the coach wanted us to run our off-tackle play. That meant sending our full back right up the middle. But my end told me in the huddle that he could definitely block his defensive end inward if I wanted to call an end run play. I did call an end run. It worked for our touchdown.

Take heed and ask people what they know and what they propose to do about a problem. Listen well. Then ask if they want your advice. If they sincerely say, “Yes,” then you are in a good place to offer advice.

Avoid the temptation to look smart by giving advice. Instead, try to facilitate the other person looking smart. Let them come up with their own solutions. They will be more committed to implementing them at any rate. And they will enjoy working with you and be more likely to tell you about problems sooner.

Good listening pays off. Advice rarely does. Or do you have a better track record than most of us? Ask yourself, “How often have people run right out to follow your advice?” I have asked many leaders that question, and to a person, they have admitted, “Not often.” More often, leaders say that people tell you “Yes, yes,” but drag their feet in actually doing it.

Listening skills is a full Module of my Self-Study Program, http://www.eaglealliance.com/services/gec/ssinfo/, and my Virtual Workshop Series, Leadership Communication™. My individual and group executive coaching enhance listening skills for better performance. Please see my home page, EagleAlliance.com