To have good listening skills and build effective work relationships, we need to be curious. Staying curious allows us to focus on what the other person is saying so that we really get it. This takes openness rather than being judgmental.

What gets in the way of this crucial interpersonal skill of staying open and curious?

You have preconceived notions about the other person. If you rate their intelligence as lower than needed for a task, you are less likely to hear them out. Or you think they lack pertinent experience, you may have a negative knee jerk reaction. But often the person with experience outside the box will come up with the novel viewpoint that solves the problem.

To overcome this preconceived notion problem, try to cultivate a “beginner’s mind.” That means you humbly approach a new venture or conversation with a sense of adventure. Who knows what lies ahead? Pretend you are in the Lewis and Clark exploration. Someone is giving you a report of what they think lies ahead. Be humble and listen well. It might save you a lot of time or effort. Drop your arrogance of thinking you always know best. Humility is necessary if you want to cultivate your listening skills.

Another thing that sometimes gets in the way is boredom. You listen a bit and then decide you know what is coming next so you get bored. You daydream. It is better to guide the conversation into a new topic and stay listening.

Another common problem for listening is your desire to be right. If you disagree about something, you may get into making the other person wrong so that you get to be right. You lose the opportunity to possibly learn something because you have lost openness and replaced it with the need to be right.

Another problem is your desire to fix people. You know someone is wrong and causing problems for other people. You enter the conversation to fix them. Even if you definitely do need to have a performance management conversation with them to correct something, you do not want to abandon your listening skills. First find out how they view the problem and what they might be willing to do to fix it. You may not have to fix them at all with any advice of yours. And they will be more motivated because you listened to them.

My individual and group executive coaching enhance listening skills. Listening skills is a full Module of 4 sessions in my Virtual Workshop Series, Leadership Communication™