You need to know “How to have presence” in order to have good listening skills and build effective work relationships. Most leaders and professionals need to cultivate the skill of being fully present for important conversations.

Being present is an art that can be learned. How good are you at it? You know when someone else is being fully present to you. What do they do? Can you offer that to others? Why bother? Let’s take a look at these questions.

Being present includes the ability to listen intently. You are actively engaged. This has been called “active listening” and is widely taught. You don’t sit back and daydream. You actively pursue what the other person is saying, asking questions when appropriate. Perhaps you have received some training in active listening, but you often forget to employ it. How to remember more often?

One way to remember more often is to answer the above question, “Why bother to listen actively?” What do you think? What payoffs have you noticed for active, deep listening? The other person feels paid attention to, a somewhat rare event that can be delightful. They feel you are resonating with them. Daniel Goleman, in his Harvard Business School Press book, Primal Leadership, asserts that resonance is one of the most important things a leader must seek to establish with others. Resonance encourages others to respond with commitment and engagement.

Another benefit of active listening is that misunderstandings get cleared up. Quick listening in short conversations often lead to misunderstandings that only get cleared up later after some damage has occurred. Active listening clears up misunderstandings before they cause damage.

When you ponder these and other benefits of active listening, you should decide to do this more often and to improve your skill. Having this intention to listen actively and be present will prove very useful. You will take the time needed to listen well in crucial conversations. Keep the intention to listen actively in mind during the crucial conversation too. This will help you stay focused and cut short daydreams.

Meditation is another way to improve your skill at being present. Meditation practice teaches you to stay focused. When distracting thoughts arise, you learn to just let them go so that you can stay concentrated on whatever you wish such as your breath. You gain some control of your mental process. This is very helpful for good listening too. When distracting thoughts arise, you can just let them go. Remember your intention to listen actively, and regain your focus on concentrating on this crucial conversation.

Kathy Murray trains people to learn meditation practices and mindfulness. She offers this training every week at Duke University Medical Center, and she can train you too.

If you want to be effective in your leadership or professional situations, learn how to be fully present for important conversations. Your intention to listen better will cause you to seek out additional training to improve your listening skills. Our training can assist you to be more present. This will pay off.

Listening skills is a full Module of my (Bill Murray)
Self-Study Program, (http://www.eaglealliance.com/services/gec/ssinfo), and my Virtual Workshop Series, (http://www.EmotionallyIntelligentLeadership.com),
Leadership Communication™. My individual and group executive coaching enhance listening skills for better performance. Please see my home page, EagleAlliance.com