You need to know what things to avoid in order to have good listening skills and build effective work relationships. Most leaders and professionals need to cultivate the skill of asking good questions.

Here are 3 tips on things to avoid:

1. Avoid starting your question with “why” if you are asking about an interpersonal issue. “Why” is OK for technical questions, but it can provoke defensiveness if the question is about anything personal. For example, if you ask, “Why did you say that to Sally?” The person may assume you dislike what they said. Or your “why” word may remind them of their mother saying, “Why did you do such a foolish thing?”

2. Avoid asking leading questions that suggest the answer you want. For example, “Isn’t it true that Bob is not committed to this project?” If you have more power in your organization than the other person, they will usually search for the answer they think you want, even if it distorts the truth.

3. Avoid stating your position strongly before you have heard them out. Do you sometimes interrupt to express your disagreement? It will work better for you to first ask them more questions and fully hear them out. Stephen Covey wrote in his famous book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Habit number 5: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Stephen then gives pages of examples showing why this is effective.

Avoiding these 3 things and using good listening will pay off. If you want to be effective in your leadership or professional situations, learn what to avoid.

Listening skills is a full Module of my
Self-Study Program, and my Virtual Workshop Series,
Leadership Communication™. My individual and group executive coaching enhance listening skills for better performance. Please see my home page, EagleAlliance.