To be a good listener and build effective work relationships, we need to be open. We all know that a lot of the time we are judging what the other person is saying, and when we are not talking, we are preparing our arguments to refute them. I propose that we first just listen with an open mind. Later, we can turn to judge the worthiness of their views.

Initially, it is worth the effort to stay open and concentrate on listening without trying to judge who is right or wrong. Stephen Covey in his book, The 7 Habits of Effective People, asserts Habit 5: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” First in terms of timing and first in terms of importance, seek to understand. How can you seek to understand if you are already into judging? Seek to have people say of you, “He or she is an understanding person.” That means they feel you are a good listener too.

It also means that people will be glad to cooperate with you. When you are listening well, people feel affirmed. That makes them want to work with you enthusiastically. Your good listening can also help to unlock their creativity.

As Carl Rogers wrote, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels darn good… When I have been listened to and when I have been heard, I am able to re-perceive my world in a new way and go on. It is astonishing how elements that seem insoluble become soluble when someone listens. How confusions that seem hopeless turn into relatively clear flowing streams when one is heard.” From Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, p.113.

This is the impact of good listening. We can make this our gift to others. And what goes around comes around. Others will be glad to make gifts to us.

Listening skills is a full Module of 4 sessions in my Virtual Workshop Series, Leadership Communication™.