Here is an example to illustrate my 4-Step Conflict Resolution Process that I have already described in other articles. What would you do if you had a neighbor that let its dog bark until late at night?

Step 1. Observe what is happening and describe it to your neighbor. “Your dog is out barking at night sometimes as late as midnight. This barking keeps me up because I need to go to sleep at 10:30 PM. Would you be willing to discuss this?”

Open the conversation with facts about a situation. Avoid starting with any judgments or evaluations which might cause the other person to go on the defensive. Ask if this is a good time to discuss the matter.

Step 2. Look inside to notice your feelings. Let’s say you are frustrated and irritated. If you had already talked with your neighbor to no avail, you might be up the scale of anger. If you had talked several times, you might be furious. Consider whether to express your feelings or not. Ponder how to manage your feelings. Most social blunders occur because a person is not aware of their feelings or those of others. Becoming aware makes you more sensitive and emotionally competent.

Step 3. Look inside to notice what you need and value. You need peace and quiet late at night. You value a good night’s sleep because you have to concentrate hard on your job. So you also value being competent on the job. Consider whether to express these things or not.

If you postpone expressing yourself, ask the other person their point of view. “Are you aware that your dog is barking so late?” If yes, “How do you view that?” Probably they don’t notice it or fail to realize that it is loud enough to bother neighbors.

If you opt to express yourself, you might say, “I feel frustrated and irritated by the dog’s barking because I need to get a good night’s sleep to function well on my job the next day.”

Step 4. Make a request of yourself or the other person. A request of yourself might be, “Buy ear plugs.” A request of another might be, “Having heard me say this, what comes up for you?” This request will get you feedback on where the other person stands. It is better to learn this before suggesting solutions.

Finally, you could make a request for the neighbor to bring in his dog at 10:30.

This exact scenario happened to me once. At the end, my neighbor explained that her dog had never been house broken and she could not bring it in. I just kept on emphasizing my need for good sleep. I never criticized her. If I had called her a bad neighbor, she might not have stayed receptive to my needs. Finally, she gave the dog away to a farmer.

Do you want to get better at this conflict management process? Eagle Alliance Executive Coaching offers you 3 ways at our web site, http://www.EagleAlliance.com:

1. Free articles
2. Free book chapter
3. Virtual Workshop Series, Leadership Communication™ has a full Module on this topic.

Call me, Bill Murray, for more information at 919-419-9460.