Conflict Management 4-Step Process:

This article will concentrate on step no. 4 below. Other articles have already covered steps 1-3.

You can manage conflicts and maximize connection with this 4-step process. Ask yourself the following 4 questions. Then ask the other person(s) some or all of these same questions.

1. What are your factual observations?

2. How do you feel?

3. What do you really need or value?

4. What requests do you make?

Once you have observed factually what happened, how you feel about it, and what you really need now in this situation, you are ready to create a strategy to get what you need. Having gone through the first three steps, you become more resourceful at creating a strategy that builds on your core values.

Now you express this strategy in terms of a request for yourself or someone else. You might request of yourself to be more assertive and take a specific assertive action. Or you might request of the other person(s) to dialogue with you about this situation. For example, “I wish to talk with you about X situation, would you be willing to discuss it now?”

For the dialogue option, you will start the conversation with step 1, stating your factual observations. Then you may choose how much you want to express with steps 2-4. Quickly you will want to ask the above questions in steps 2-4 of the other person too. Do not talk too long yourself. Do more listening. Remember, we have two ears and one mouth. So listen twice as much as talking.

When you both understand what the other needs and values in this situation, you may request that you both brainstorm solutions that would meet both your needs. You become allies seeking common ground and a win/win solution. For example, you might request, “Would you be willing to join with me now in seeking together a win/win solution?” Then dialogue. We offer a full Module on Dialogue skills in our Virtual Workshop Series, Leadership Communication™.

Using the above 4-step conflict management process will help you to reach an understanding of what is important to each of you before you launch into trying to fix something. Understand and get rapport first, then you will be more resourceful and accurate when you move to finding solutions.

Do you want to get better at this conflict management process? Eagle Alliance Executive Coaching offers you 3 ways at our web site, http://www.EagleAlliance.com:

1. Free articles
2. Free book chapter
3. Virtual Workshop Series, Leadership Communication™ has a full Module on this topic.

Call me, Bill Murray, for more information at 919-419-9460.