Conflict Management 4-Step Process:

This article will concentrate on step no. 3 below. Other articles have covered step 1 and 2 and the next will cover 4.

You can manage conflicts and maximize connection with this 4-step process. Ask yourself the following 4 questions. Then ask the other person(s) some or all of these same questions.

1. What are your factual observations?

2. How do you feel?

3. What do you really need or value?

4. What requests do you make?

In the midst of conflict, we are often fuzzy about what we really want and we often lose sight of what we started out to get. Therefore, it is crucial to know clearly what you need or value.

Businesses stress the importance of strategic thinking. Part of that skill is seeing the big picture, what we and the organization really need. In any given situation, we need to know what is important. Much of the time, we do not. We rush around and fail to take the time to clarify what is truly important in a particular situation.

We practice this strategic thinking skill in the first Module of my Virtual Workshop Series, Leadership Communication™, which devotes the entire Module to strategic thinking. How you practice is to keep on asking yourself the questions, “What is important here?” Do not settle for your first answer. Instead, keep on asking the question to dig deeper. We call this peeling the onion.

For example, if someone named Bob is making noise in the office next to yours, what do you want? Your first answer is quiet so you can be fully productive. If you act immediately, you may demand with an edge in your voice that Bob stop the noise. Instead, you pause to reflect, “What do I really want here?” You decide it is important to you to keep a good relationship with Bob. So you politely point out that his noise level exceeds your tolerance that you need to concentrate. In complex conflict situations, it is much more difficult to sort out what is most important to you, but worth the effort.

When we pause to get clear on what is important to us, we shall also get more resourceful. A Pepsi advertisement used to say, “The pause that refreshes.” For our purposes, it is “the pause that resources.” With more resourcefulness, you will create better strategies for getting what you most want.

Do you want to get better at this conflict management process? Eagle Alliance Executive Coaching offers you 3 ways at our web site, http://www.EagleAlliance.com:

1. Free articles
2. Free book chapter
3. Virtual Workshop Series, Leadership Communication™ has a full Module on this topic.

Call me, Bill Murray, for more information at 919-419-9460.