If you want to manage conflict constructively, you need to have “tough love.” The Bible and other religions urge us to love. But we often fall short of this because we do not have the emotional intelligence needed. We know what our religion says to do, but we lack the ability and the skills to be more loving. We know the what, but not the how to.

My Virtual Workshop Series, Leadership Communication™ addresses this problem by providing the skills needed to be more loving. One such skill is how to manage conflict, which is a full Module of my Virtual Workshop Series.

In my Introduction Section of this program, we discuss this quote:
“What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic.” –Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Tough love includes both love and power. We are caring and respectful and also we are strong and assertive (Assertiveness is another full Module of my Virtual Workshop Series). A good way to remember this is to say to yourself, “I must have both backbone and heart.”

Most people fall too much to one side or the other. Some use power to coerce others to do things their way. They achieve their goal of dominating people but at a price. You know from your own experience that people tend to react to this treatment in non-productive ways such as seeking to undermine the dominating person or just becoming passive without much creativity.

Others focus so much on being caring that they end up being doormats or wishy-washy. I once worked with a VP who was this way. He once told a cross-functional team that I facilitated that he would speak to the President to convince her of an action we wanted. He returned at our next team meeting to tell us that the President did not like the proposed action and would not do it.

Later, we learned from a secret conversation with the President’s secretary that the VP had said to the President, “This team wants you to do X. I don’t think it is a good idea, but I didn’t want to tell them that. So I am just mentioning it to you, not endorsing it myself.”

When we learned that, we were mad. Why didn’t he just tell us that he didn’t like the idea in the first place instead of getting our hopes up? I can only guess that he was too interested in “people pleasing.” He lacked the backbone to contradict our team, to oppose us.

So if you agree with Dr. Martin Luther King, then remember to say to yourself, “I must have both backbone and heart.”

My Virtual Workshop Series, Leadership Communication™, trains participants to improve these tough love skills in a thorough manner with constant practicing. For information, call me, Bill Murray, at 919-419-9460, or contact me via my web site, http://www.EagleAlliance.com , “Contact Us.”