Knowing how to discern you own deepest needs and values is like hitting the bulls eye. All too often we settle for hitting a ring away from the bulls eye, a lesser need or value. When act on that, we do not get what we really want because we have not yet even figured out what we really want.

Please draw a bulls eye on a piece of paper. This exists already as a chart in my Participant Workbook for my Web-conferencing Virtual-Workshop, Leadership Communication™ in the Module on Self-Awareness. In the center write the words “needs/values.” In the next ring out, write “Feeling.” In the next ring out, write “Thinking.” In the next and final ring out, write “Doing.” This is your target.

It is helpful for self-management to reflect on this target often and try to move into the bulls-eye zone by becoming aware of your deepest needs and values. You can notice what is alive for you in the outer rings and deduce new insights about your needs and values.

Doing:
Most of the time we are focused on the outside ring, what we are doing. We are involved with our actions. We talk with others most often about what is going on, who is doing what. To grow in awareness, start observing yourself and others more objectively. Try to state what you and they are doing in plain, factual language, devoid of judgments.

Thinking:
Notice your judgments. Probably you have made a judgment almost every time you pause to reflect on your “doing.” Now notice it and name it. Are you blaming someone for something you think they should do differently? OK, this gives you a clue to what you are probably feeling – annoyance. This helps you to identify your feelings in the next ring in. Another example is when you listen to someone and think, “They are boring.” This judgment gives you a clue to what you are probably feeling – bored. If you are really bored, that may lead to the emotion, anger.

Feeling:
Notice your feelings, meaning your emotions. To help notice, focus on your thinking and deduce your feelings as above. Secondly, ask yourself, “What else am I feeling?” Add to your list for this moment. Now you can use this self-awareness of feelings to deduce your needs and values. In the above example, you think that someone is talking in a boring fashion. You deduce that you are feeling bored and pause to reflect so that you notice you are also annoyed.

Values:
So in the above example, what values are not being honored? Maybe the values of having interesting talk and time being used effectively. The more you value these two things, the more annoyed you probably feel when they are not honored. Secondly, reflect if other values are important to you in this situation. If the person speaking is important for your work-life, you may value that relationship. Ponder and add to your list of values for this moment if this is an important situation for you.

Needs:
The language of needs is similar to the above values. In the above example, you could say that you have a need to be productive in order to survive or prosper in your job. If you judge that someone is wasting your time with boring talk, you will probably get annoyed because your need to be productive is not being met.

Your goal is to identify your deepest needs and values. Then when you are clear about them, you become more motivated and resourceful in creating strategies to meet your needs and honor your values.

You can read about or listen to recordings of more ways to increase your self-awareness about needs and values in my Self-Study Program. And you can actually practice these ways in my Web-conferencing Virtual-Workshop, Leadership Communication™, which has a whole Module on Self-Management. For more information, please call me, Bill Murray, at 919-419-9460 or contact me from my web site link, “Contact Us,” or read about this on our web site’s home page, http://www.EagleAlliance.com.