Archive for February, 2009

In a prior article, I described reasons to use a request rather than a demand or command when possible. In short, people are more likely to carry out a request rather than drag their feet and they are more likely to respond with some enthusiasm. So if you decide to use a request format to [...]

When you choose to be assertive, you can do it with commands, demands, or requests. For a command to be effective, you need to have authority. You need to be an authority figure such as a parent or a boss or a representative of one. Military officers learn how to issue commands regularly. But experience [...]

The Benefits of Being Assertive Let’s look at the likely outcomes of three types of behavior, avoiding, assertiveness, and aggressiveness. Avoiding: Lose/win: You tend to lose, others tend to win at your expense. Low results because you act small and get treated as small. Your avoiding posture usually results from fears and ironically it often [...]

Would you like a little guide as to when you are being assertive? One way is to monitor your own feelings and desired emotional payoffs. Assertive: When you are being assertive, you usually feel confident and good about yourself. Often you are aware of your own feelings and also aware of what is important to [...]

How to be more assertive? Make a conscious choice of both verbal and non-verbal behaviors. Assertive: Express what you honestly want, think, and feel in direct ways. Usually start your sentence with “I”, not “you”. Non-verbal behaviors include listening closely. Stay calm, relaxed, assured, and firm. Also if possible, be caring, warm, and expressive. Look [...]

To improve our appropriate assertiveness skills, we need to be aware of 3 types of behaviors on a continuum: Avoiding, assertive, and aggressive. We usually need to behave in the middle range with assertive behaviors. However, in some situations it may be wise to avoid things. And on very rare occasions we might want to [...]

In order to be maximally successful, you need superb assertiveness skills. What are your goals when you are being assertive? You need strategic and tactical goals. Strategic goals include getting something you really want and value. You need to know what that is before you start a crucial conversation. As negotiators insist, you must know [...]