Here are four ways to ask for feedback.

You need to do this in order to discover if your listener has received your message correctly. As you know, many filters get in the way of good communication. Some filters that distort communication are prejudice, bias, preconceived views, assumptions, etc. How will you know if your listener has a filter that distorts your message?

Ask your listener one or more of the following questions.

1. Check for understanding: You might say, “I want to make sure that I have been communication clearly. Would you mind telling me what you have heard me say?” Notice how you take the blame here. Perhaps you did not communicate clearly. You must avoid the danger that they perceive you are faulting them for poor listening.

2. Ask how they may differ from you: “What do you see as the pros and cons of my view?” The words “and cons” are crucial. These words open the door for people to disagree with you. Especially if you are their boss or an authority figure, then will tend to stay silent. You must coax them out. Give them permission to disagree.

3. Ask about their emotional reactions: “Having heard me say this, what comes up for you?” If they launch back into concepts, you may need to focus your question with a guess about their emotions. “I am wondering if you are frustrated, irked, disappointed, etc. by what I said?” If you don’t ask, they may go away annoyed and you will never know it. Annoyed people sometimes smile back at you. You have to coax them out to discover their true reactions.

4. Ask about their values and priorities: “How important is this issue for you?” Again if you fail to ask, you own assumptions will prevail and may not be accurate. Perhaps you have emphasized how important this project is for you. You assume that they are in the same boat as you. But if you ask, you may learn that they have other, more urgent priorities. Better to find out now, than to learn later on that they dragged their feet.

In summary, for clear, effective communication, ask for feedback to learn:

1. If they got the facts straight
2. How they think about your assertions, pros and cons
3. How they feel about your assertions, emotional reactions
4. How important your assertions are to them.

Participants of my Web-conferencing Virtual-Workshop series, Leadership Communication™, have said this 4-pronged approach has proved very helpful in getting feedback. Why not consider joining our ongoing Virtual-Workshop series so that you can learn and practice skills like seeking feedback? For more information, see www.EmotionallyIntelligentLeadership.com , or call me, Bill Murray at 919-419-9460, or email me via the above link, “Contact Us.”