A good analogy for dialogue is that of surfing. The surfer stays on top of big waves and uses their strength to surge forward. The big waves can be analogous to emotions. Emotions can propel us forward or they can suck us downward. Surfers who lose their balance may fall off their surfboard and get sucked downward. Those who surf well can stay in the flow.

In this analogy it is important for dialogue that you be aware of your emotions. Self-awareness is one Module of my Web-conferencing Virtual-Workshop, Leadership Communication™, and Dialogue is another Module. Being aware of your emotions is like being aware of the shape of the wave you are riding when surfing.

For example, if you know you are angry, this knowledge will shape how you conduct your dialogue with the person with whom you are angry. You can express your anger as part of the topic you want to dialogue about. You might introduce your topic with, “I am angry that you did not come to my meeting. May we discuss this?” You are asking permission to dialogue on the topic of your anger and his/her absence.

On the other hand, if you are unaware of your anger, you are likely to introduce the topic with something like, “You did not come to my meeting. Why not?” And you are likely to have your anger come out in your tone of voice. Of course, the other person will notice the edge in your tone of voice and become defensive. The sharp words, “Why not?” usually point to a fault and will also convey your anger. Most likely the other person will react defensively to these words too.

In this example, your awareness of your anger allows you to express it directly in words rather than in edgy tone and sharp words. When you are more sensitive to the waves of your emotions, you can express yourself in more sensitive ways to others. You are more able to speak in a manner others can hear so that dialogue can occur.

You can improve your ability to dialogue in my individual and group Executive Coaching via our Web-conferencing Virtual-Workshop, Leadership Communication™, which has a whole Module on Dialogue. For more information, please email me via the “Contact Us” link above or telephone me, Bill Murray, at 919-419-9460.