More Techniques for Regaining Focus
By William R. Murray on 10/27/08 in Emotional Intelligence, Goals, Values, & Strategies, Self-Management | Comments (1)
Here are some ideas in addition to those I have given in other Tips on how to regain our focus once we have lost it. When we respond to a stressful situation, we sometimes lose self-control as our amygdala takes over. The amygdala is a primitive part of the brain that recognizes threats and instantly throws us into fight or flight – or in the office, aggressive behavior or avoiding.
The trick is to notice when this has happened. How? When the amygdala takes over, we will have physical symptoms. Learn what yours are so you can notice them quickly. Here are some physical symptoms that participants have mentioned in my Virtual-Workshop, Leadership Communication™: tenseness, anxious, heart racing, breathing shallow, breathing fast, face flushed, making fists, clinching teeth, tightening certain muscles, perspiring, glaring, avoiding eye contact, frowning, grimacing, numbness, changes in posture such as slumping or standing taller, etc.
Take a moment and write down what physical symptoms you tend to manifest when you get upset. Yes, people advise you to notice your emotions. You need to know when you are getting angry, sad or just want to withdraw. However, noticing our emotions takes more skill. I advise you to start first with noticing your physical symptoms. They will clue you in when you are first starting to get upset. That noticing early on is crucial. Or if you have already lost self-control, noticing your physical symptoms is the fastest way back to self-control.
Once you have noticed a physical symptom, you must pause. The pausing is crucial to regaining self control. Just stay with noticing the physical symptoms.
Then start some recovery technique that works for you. What is yours? Some people take some deep breaths. Taking a time out can be crucial. Just say, “I need to talk with you about this at another time.” Some people excuse themselves and go for a walk. Movement is an excellent technique. Or take time to meditate or pray or talk with a friend.
Then ask yourself, “What am I feeling? What emotions?” When that becomes clear to you, you will probably have enough emotional intelligence to regain the sort of behavior you want.
In other Tips I have emphasized the importance of knowing what you really want in a given situation. So ask yourself now, “What do I really want here?” If you stay upset, you probably will try to prove that you are right. If you can regain composure, you may realize that what you really want most is to maintain a good working relationship with this person.
Can you think of situations where you successfully practiced some of the approaches I have just described? Congratulations. Now what can you do to make this happen more often? Devise your own ways.
Here is a summary:
1. You need to notice your physical symptoms.
2. Pause and keep noticing physical symptoms.
3. Then choose your favorite way of handling upset such as deep breathing, etc.
4. Notice your emotions, mad, sad, afraid, etc.
5. Ask yourself, “What do I really want here?”
6. Regain composure.
7. Choose a reasonable action to respond to the situation.
Learn more about “Techniques for Regaining Focus” in my Virtual-Workshop/webinar, Leadership Communication™, described at: http://www.EmotionallyIntelligentLeadership.com/ – scroll down.
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William R. Murray (Bill), Harvard MBA, Yale M.Div., Master Certified Coach since 1999. 
Bill, self-hypnosis is a wonderful way to deal with any “nervous” symptoms or panic attacks. I learned it after some very high-powered corporate secretaries told me that they were using it to plan board meetings!
I was, to put it mildly, surprised.Most of these secretaries learned self-hypnosis by going to classes that used the Silva Mind Control book. It’s a useful book for the initiate; I’ve never been to the classes.
At the time I first learned about self-hypnosis and its use in Corporate America, I was on the Harvard Business School faculty as a researcher on boards of directors and decided that, in order to understand boards, I, too, should learn self-hypnosis. Most of what I learned was from the head of Harvard Health Services. I also used the Silva book and since many other texts.
Not everyone is a candidate for self-hypnosis, but I’m lucky enough not to be in this group. I believe that self-hypnosis is primarily a skill and that, the more one practices, the easier it becomes to put oneself into a lower, soothing level of consciousness, similar to that achieved by deep meditation.
I almost always use self-hypnosis when I write articles or books because the calm achieved helps me think more clearly. Practice is key. I can now instantaneously put myself into what is called “Alpha,” a supremely relaxed state in which one nonetheless remains fully conscious and can perform normal tasks. I believe that tests have shown that self-hypnosis works partly because it slows the metabolism. In any case, it is supremely relaxing and enjoyable. I have not heard of any dangers associated with self-hypnosis, but they may exist for some people. Happily, not for corporate secretaries, it appears, and certainly not for me.
Regards,
Dr. Leslie Levy
May 23rd, 2009