The following case was offered by a participant of my company-sponsored Virtual-Workshop series, Leadership Communication™.

I, Sally, (not real name) am a project manager in packaging. A team member named Jane has not given me contact details for an external supplier despite numerous requests. I am not sure what the reason is for her refusal.

I could insist, but I don’t want to hurt our relationship because she is a hard worker on my project. Also, she has a close relationship with the supplier and I might lose the supplier if she got annoyed enough to leave in a huff.

There is urgency because she is a temporary employee and might leave so that I would not know whom to call at the supplier. In general I wish to be able to contact all suppliers directly when I chose.

Our discussion:

What does Sally, the Project Mgr. really want? Participants answered:

To be in control of the project.
Information – contact names, etc.
To do her job efficiently.

I said, “There must be something else. Why? Because if these 3 desires were all there is, Sally would have followed up her requests more firmly and forced Jane to divulge. She could have gone in to Jane and banged her fists on the table.”

What else does Sally want?

Jane should take the initiative in responding.
Sally wants Jane to acknowledge Sally’s role and authority.
Sally also wants to keep Jane’s good will. If Jane gets miffed – she might quit and take the supplier with her.

Digging deeper:
If you just pick the first strategy that comes to mind, you may not get what you really want.
By ‘peeling the onion’ you get clearer about what you really, really want.
This process of digging deeper, pondering what you really want, increases your resourcefulness.

Strategies:

First get clear on what you really want, then create strategies to get it.

The first strategy was to keep on making requests. This strategy did not work. Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

A knee jerk strategy would have been to force the issue. But if you just picked this strategy, force Jane to tell, you may not get what you really want.

The group went on to create better strategies:

1 – Talk to her: Ask, “Can we have a chat?” This is asking permission to have a conversation. It is important to do this first because you respect the other person’s time and needs – they may be busy.

2 – State the situation: “I’ve asked you a number of times …” Remember to stick to the facts. DON’T use judgmental, inflammatory, accusatory words.

3 – Direct question: “Is there any reason why you can’t share the supplier’s contact details?”

4 – Then play it by ear.

Possible responses from Jane: “The reason I have not replied is because you’ll be contacting the supplier and I’ll lose control. I want to continue as the liaison.”

Possible response from Sally: “That’s a valid reason; however you might get run over by a bus or something so I need the contact information. You can stay the main liaison. Just let me have contact information so I can back you up.”

These strategies are more elegant because our process of digging deeper into what we really want made us more resourceful.

You can learn these processes to be more resourceful, resilient, and effective in my public section of my Virtual-Workshop/webinar series, Leadership Communication™. To explore this, contact me with the link above, “Contact Us.”