My book chapter, “Emotional Intelligence for Resilience,” published in the Amazon best-seller book on resilience, Upping the Down Side, is the source of this Tip.

Know what you really want. Having clarity of intention results in more energy, resourcefulness, and resilience. Here is how to get clarity of intention and resilience in the face of problems, turbulence and setbacks.

Ask yourself in each new situation: What do I really want? Or, what matters? What is important?

Knowing your answers at a deep level gives you great energy to be resilient – to deal with life’s setbacks. Usually your first answer is not the final word. You need to dig deeper.

A VP client of mine, let’s call him John, was angry that his colleague, Bob, kept bringing in a monthly report late. I asked him what he wanted.

“The report on time!”

“OK, then why not complain to the CEO?”

“Because I have to keep a good relationship with Bob to work on other matters too. I don’t want him to get down on me.”

“So another thing you want is to keep a good relationship. What else to you want? Keep digging deeper.”

“I want for Bob to take responsibility himself so I don’t have to continually complain and push him.”

“OK, now that you have peeled your onion down to a deeper level. You have 3 things you really want: the report on time, a good working relationship, and for Bob to take the initiative. With that clarity of intention at a deeper level, are you ready to craft a good strategy to get what you really want?”

“Yes, now I feel more energetic to take some action. I shall sit with Bob to iron this out.”

This talk resulted in a new understanding of Bob’s problem and both men got help from IT to create a new software program to produce Bob’s report on time.

Moral: Dig deeper into what you really want so you can craft more resourceful strategies and stay resilient.