One of the first steps in positive change is self-awareness, or mindfulness.

First of all, we need to be aware of what we really want and what gets in the way of achieving it. Very often the barriers to change are internal, or emotional. The more aware we become of our internal, or emotional state, the better prepared we are to make positive choices for change.

For instance, if we want to change a communication pattern with another person, such as expressing anger or impatience, we need to be aware of when this pattern happens. What is a typical situation? What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What sensations arise in your body? Beginning to notice these things, without judgment, is the first step of change. Reflecting on past situations will help develop awareness for different behavior in the future. Then, developing moment-by-moment self-awareness when with that person would be essential.

You can practice this moment-by-moment self-awareness by doing the following exercise often throughout the day:

Mini-Mindfulness Meditation

Take a few deep breaths and become aware of your body. Feel the sensations of the chair pressing against your body, your feet on the floor. Notice your shoulders, chest, stomach – just observing how you are in this moment – any sensations of tightness or tension. You can do this with your eyes open or shut.

If you practice this little exercise often during the day when you are relaxed, it will become second nature to you to check in with yourself often. Then, you will be more likely to do it in more difficult situations, such as when you are triggered to react. If you notice your body tensing, your heart beating fast, your mouth getting ready to speak, you can just take a few breaths and take time to respond in a different way.

This gives you the freedom and power of choice, rather than acting out of an old habit.

By Kathy Murray